Pearl Goes to Taco Bell
by bitcheslovewaltzing
Summary: The thrilling Steven Universe version of Dipper Goes to Taco Bell. The only contribution I'll ever need to make to the SU fandom. Exactly what it says on the tin, Pearl eats at Taco Bell.


It was a normal day in Beach City, Delmarva. Well, as normal as Beach City gets, anyway. Steven Universe was watching a new episode of Crying Breakfast Friends when Amethyst burst into the room.

"Dude, Steven, you've got to check this out!" Amethyst said, tugging at Steven's shirt.

"Not now, Amethyst," Steven said, his eyes fixed on the television screen. "Sniffling Croissant is about to make up with Sad Waffle!"

"Pshh, that boring show? This is so much better than that!" Amethyst grabbed the remote and turned the TV off.

"Hey!" Steven said, but before he could protest further, Amethyst was carrying him out the door.

When Steven was finally allowed to stand on his own feet again, he had been placed in front of a restaurant. He raised an eyebrow. "Taco Bell?"

A wide grin spread across Amethyst's face. "Isn't it great!"

Steven went up to the window and pressed his face against it. On the other side, Ronaldo was eating a Doritos Locos taco (TM). Turning back to Amethyst with a grimace on his face, Steven said, "I don't know, it doesn't really look like it tastes that good..."

"Aww come on, Steven, you gotta try it!"

"No thanks, I'll pass. I'm going to go back home now."

Amethyst made a raspberry noise. Steven didn't have to be such a buzzkill. Why watch a stupid show about food crying when you could just eat food instead? But fate decided not to spoil her fun today, for just then Pearl walked around the corner.

"Heyyy, Pearl!" Amethyst called out, waving her arm in the air.

"Hello, Amethyst. What are you doing out here?" Pearl asked.

It didn't take long at all for the idea to formulate in her mind. If Steven wasn't going to eat some Taco Bell, then Pearl would. "Oh, it's terrible! Steven's been kidnapped by a monster inside this restaurant!"

Pearl would have turned a shade whiter if she wasn't already as white as bleach. "Steven!" she yelled, turning to face the establishment.

"Yeah, he's in there! And to save him, you have to eat the food in there."

Pearl stopped panicking for a moment and slowly shifted her glance back to Amethyst. "I have to do what?"

"Eat some of the food. That's what Garnet said before she, uh, went to find you."

"Why don't you do it, you're the one who likes to eat!"

"Garnet said it has to be you! Come on P, do it for Steven!"

Pearl sighed. "Well, for Steven..." She marched into the Taco Bell and up to the counter where a pimply teen was waiting.

Before Pearl even started ordering, the cashier yelled, "WE ONLY GOT TACOS!"

Pearl scrunched up her face a bit. "Oookay, I'll need a taco then."

Mere minutes later, Pearl was seated at a table with her taco. Amethyst was watching from the outside, with a thumbs up held high in the air. Pearl looked at the taco and swallowed hard. Whatever was on that thing did not look like meat. But Steven was in danger and she knew that she would do anything to save him. She lifted the mystery food up to her lips and took a bite. Every time she chewed, it made the food feel worse. Despite her urge to gag, she swallowed the first bite.

"Eat some more, P!" Amethyst yelled from the other side of the window.

Pearl's stomach grumbled, saving her from furthering the loathsome task. "I can't believe that already went through me," Pearl noted. And she could tell it was coming fast. She gracefully flipped over the table and ballet danced all the way to the bathroom as fast as she could.

All of the stalls were full, but right on cue someone walked out of the stalls. Pearl didn't pay much attention to who was walking out, but she was a big buff cheeto puff, and had a plastic bag with her. Pearl spun herself into the stall because she was incapable of moving ungracefully in times of crisis. Much to her dismay, there was a drawing of a naked Rose Quartz in the stall, making Pearl feel simultaneously aroused and salty.

But Pearl couldn't hold it back anymore...

Outside the Taco Bell, Steven and Garnet ran up to Amethyst.

"Amethyst! Where's Pearl? I saw in my future vision that she might be in danger," Garnet said.

Uh oh, busted. Amethyst shrugged and said, "She went into the bathroom in the Taco Bell." As Garnet and Steven ran inside, Amethyst ran away.

Steven ran ahead of Garnet, saying to her, "Wait outside!" He burst into the woman's bathroom.

For a moment, there was silence. Then, the door creaked open and Steven stepped out. Clutched in his hands was Pearl's gem. "Don't go in there," Steven said.

Garnet adjusted her glasses. With a completely expressionless face, she said, "I guess she really had to go poof." The Steven Universe fandom went wild and this scene was turned into a gif post on tumblr almost instantly.

 _If I could begin to eat  
Taco Bell's mystery meat  
I could eat about anything  
But then I'd have to take a giant poo_


End file.
